i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize