Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
