i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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