just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
