I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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