In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
