And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
