3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
