She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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