we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
