I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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