i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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