Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
