So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
