forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
