i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
In America we eat man semen.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
