I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
