Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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