I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
