I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
