I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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