Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
