Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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