two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
