he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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