I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
