I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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