It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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