If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize