He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
