On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
