worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize