This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
