You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize