He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
