I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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