everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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