My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
