I could have mohawked her pubes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
