benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
