i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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