You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
