I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
