I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
