flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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