my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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