i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
