Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
