lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
