sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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