i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
