She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
