I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
