I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
