I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Houston, we have a squirter
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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