Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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