So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
