That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
