1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
