Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
