Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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