The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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