party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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