i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
