I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
