It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
