im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
