considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
