Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
love makes seman taste better
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
