Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
