She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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