we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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